I believe that while the musical taste of a person is always evolving, twisting and turning to fit the current trends, general mood or just circumstance, the strongest bonds are forged in your upper teens. Right smack in the middle of the whirlpool of new experiences, hormones and the general urge to revolt against everything and everyone representing the previous generations and their perceived cesspool of values, you will seek and ultimately find the music that will accompany you to your grave. No matter how much your life changes, no matter the circumstances, plethora of new influences, you will never cherish any music as much as the songs that you listened to during your first sexual expeditions, the sorrow you felt when turning your CD player on repeat when attempting to cope with a breakup, or the powerful rush of emotions you associate with your first live concert, the head banging, the thrill.
My teenage years coincided with the grunge era. Alice in Chains, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Stone Temple Pilots, Therapy?, The Smashing Pumpkins, Temple of the Dog, Mad Season. I will always get the chills when I hear Layne wail on any AIC song, go into full-on head banging when a good old Nirvana song is played on the radio, and Pearl Jam is Pearl Jam, I don't think I need an explanation there.
Laci and me playing at SZIN 2013
Naturally, the above mentioned bands shaped my taste in music. Most of these bands had a way too short lifespan, mostly contributing to the fact that quite a great number of them have lost members to drug addiction or suicides. The tragic end of Layne, Scott, Kurt and, most recently, Chris seem to have been foreshadowed by the dark, twisted, yet utterly relatable lyrics all four frontmen were known for. I grew an appreciation and an actual need for song lyrics and music to have at least a little bit of melancholy or Weltschmerz conveyed by the complete works from Seattle and beyond.
Lyrics and riffs I write tend to emulate this feeling and 99% of my songs lack any positive messages or feelings. And then I met Hanna.
I was coming out of a divorce that I still to this day don't fully understand, which was the actual engine behind me looking for a way to vent my frustration and ultimately pushing me to form razordoll. Out of nowhere this girl appeared in my life, with her crimson hair and the cutest smile I have ever seen, and she gave me hope.
Thus was my first song lyric with an actual positive message born. Sure, there are still hints at a world that just ain't right, but melancholy in some form or another was still a requirement.
The main riff in the verse section was written by István. After we recorded it I played around with it a bit more, added the bass intro and the bridge and chorus riffs and the first version of something that later morphed into the solo part at the end of the song. István liked parts of it and incorporated it into the actual solo you can hear on the recorded version that made it onto dysnomia.
Crimson Vision (from 2009's dysnomia)
All in all I’m satisfied
By the way my life turned out
Be there canyons that I bridged
Endless roads that I had hitched
Be there rivers that I crossed
Countless coins that I had tossed
I’m still here, gripping tight
To a world that just ain’t right
All in all I feel alright
I won’t look back, no reason why
And all the reasons unabridged
Still there’s nothing that I miss
No there’s nothing that I lost
Hope is back, all fingers crossed
I’m still here, gripping tight
To a world that just ain’t right
The crimson flow is my only hope
It makes me smile, gives strength to cope
The crimson flow is my only hope
I hold on, no I won’t lose my soul